Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
