Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
