I can tuck mytits in my pants
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
