I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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