i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
