AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
