if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize