Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i think my cat just said my name.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
