shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Even my vagina gasped.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
