even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
