what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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