So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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