His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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