the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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