One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize