Pants 0. Shit 1.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize