He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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