do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
