I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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