you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
