I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
