He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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