How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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