I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize