Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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