I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
