I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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