There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
