We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
