We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
