It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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