Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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