remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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