Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
