i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
