i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
