Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
