I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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