Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
