He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
