my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
