but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
