So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
