drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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