Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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