I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize