Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
