Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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