She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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