Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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