If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
