i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
