I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
