I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
