THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
