I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
