we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize