I just made out with a guy for $7.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
