Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
