what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
