Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
