There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize