is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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