I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
