Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
