So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
