Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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