Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
