WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize