There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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