i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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