to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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