Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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