I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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